When you imagine your wedding night, you probably envision champagne and rose petals, steamy sex, and maybe even a bubble bath. But the reality is that it’s not always that romantic. Many brides are extremely exhausted, some are drunk, and some are just worn out from a long day.
We asked nine women what their wedding nights were really like, and many were less than picture-perfect. But, hey, maybe it’s as Sex and the City’s Carrie Bradshaw said after her best friend Charlotte’s disaster of a wedding: “The worse the wedding, the better the marriage.” Same goes for the wedding night.
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THERE’S ALWAYS TOMORROW
“As much as I wanted to [have sex], we passed out. We were both exhausted from a really long day and it just didn’t happen. The night after our wedding, the sex was incredible but nothing happened the night of.” —Kristi, 33
UM, YOU STILL WITH ME?
“After endless travel delays and frustrations, we arrived at our small destination wedding nearly half a day after we had planned, meaning that we had to do all the legal legwork and last-minute details *literally* last minute in the 100-degree Las Vegas summer. By the time our wedding, the photos, and a small dinner reception were all over, we went back to the hotel utterly exhausted! I ducked into the bathroom to freshen up (remember 100-degree weather plus frantic stress sweat…) while my new husband sat to watch the Bellagio fountain dancing from our hotel window. I spent maybe 15 minutes in there and came out to find him sound asleep in the bed. So—no wedding night nookie for us.” —Liz, 38
LIFE OF THE PARTY
“We lived together before so it was not going to be a big deal, but the funny thing was I wanted my 82-year-old grandma with Alzheimer’s to be part of our wedding so we booked a hotel room near ours for her with my maid of honour, thinking she would be exhausted after the wedding [and] would sleep well. No. She was up wandering the halls. My maid of honour ended up helping put panty hose on her just up to her thighs so she could not really walk, or get up out of bed. The four of us were laughing so loudly, people probably thought we were really having some fun in our room, as we worked to put them on her. We ended up finally putting her between us so that she could not escape. It was not the wedding night of my dreams, but it is one part of my wedding day I will never forget. It is now a funny remembrance of her.” —Denise, 35
NOT IN THE CARDS
“We eloped and I got my period that day and was super bloated and not looking for much action. Also, we ate way too much at dinner and I fell asleep in a food coma while half giving him a hand job, but he passed out too so it was all good.” —Jenny, 27
NOTHING SEXY ABOUT IT
“We got married a couple years ago in a small civil ceremony at a historical estate. We walked around for an hour or so afterwards, taking photos as we strolled the beautiful lawns and gardens. Unfortunately, it had been very wet for the previous week and every biting midge and flea was out celebrating the warm sunshine. Turns out my flowy, empire-waist dress gave them a giant buffet tent to hang out in while they bit me along every elastic seam around my undergarments! Waist, hips, bra-line… and everything in between. I was covered in miserable, itchy welts by evening! Plus, we had family staying with us for that week, so even if I hadn’t been a gross, itchy [mess], we wouldn’t have gotten a moment of privacy, so perhaps those bites saved us from some embarrassment in the long run?” —Brandy, 37
SO THAT’S WHERE YOU WERE
“I was planning an out-of-town wedding and was traveling back and forth to meet with vendors often. By the time the wedding came, I was pretty stressed. It was an early ceremony (noon) follow directly by the reception and it was all over by 5 or 6 p.m. I was amazingly tired and sore.
“The wedding party, my groom, and I rode back to our hotel so we could change and head to a local place to unwind, grab some drinks, and continue celebrating. We got to our room, forgoing the ‘carry over the threshold’ thing, shut the door, and laughed and kissed. [Then I] went straight for the clothes I’d decided to wear out.
“I remember laughing and saying I was tired, and that we would have more time to enjoy ourselves later that night. It really hurt his feelings though, and then I felt pretty bad about not sliding directly into a more romantic frame of mind.
“He laid me across the bed, kissed me briefly, and we had the shortest, least romantic sex of our relationship up until that point. I remember laying there after, thinking…this cannot be how I’ll remember my wedding night. He was still half dressed! After, with a much happier groom by my side, we made it the after-party where everyone joked that we were a little late. Although I’m not sure if they weren’t really joking that we should have been MUCH later.” —Kris, 40
YEA, THAT’S NOT HAPPENING
WORTH WAITING FOR
“My husband and I actually did have sex on our wedding night. It was hyped up for us because after some medical issues (and months without any nookie), I was given the clear to do the dirty not too long before our wedding. Even though we had some time before the nuptials, we decided to wait and let the excitement build up, which ended up being a great decision. We spent the night before separately, and I packed different toys and lubes for the hotel so we were more than ready the night of. Our wedding was super small and the restaurant we had our reception at wasn’t equipped for the Spotify playlist we made for the occasion, so we had our first dance in our hotel room and some damn good love-making followed directly after—definitely a top-three romp session. It’s worth noting that we’re also not big drinkers so there was no whiskey-dick issue to speak of and that the christening of our married genitals wasn’t something that either of us really showed any excitement toward until after the medically-induced dry spell.” —Megan, 40
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This article originally appeared on Women’s Health.
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