Considering all the prep you do before sex—shaving, buying lingerie, washing your sheets (if you’re feeling ambitious)—you’d think that most gals just Netflix and chill afterward, but that would be wrong.
After getting down and dirty, we’ve got a lot of things to check off our to-do lists, from prioritising the post-sex pee to assessing that spot on the bed.
These are the weird, slightly embarrassing post-sex rituals we all go through—even if we’d never ’fess up to it.
Check The Time
You guys were going at it for more than 20 minutes? New personal best! Give yourself a pat on the back, you sex panther, you.
Peek At The Condom
Hey, even if you’re strict with your birth control pill-popping schedule, it’s still comforting to know that your backup protection is fully intact. And there’s no non-aggressive way to assess that situation other than by getting up close and personal with his wrapper. Sorry, not sorry.
Sure, hydrating is important, but what’s even more essential is ensuring that you won’t be peeing liquid fire for the next three days. You’ve got at least a pint of water to down to make sure you’re able to pee within the next hour. Sorry, guys, you didn’t actually wear us out that much.
Avoid The Sticky Spot
Cuddling is awesome, but if our snuggle sesh is taking place on one half of the bed, it’s probably because there’s a big ol’ wet spot on our side. It’s a sign of a job well done, but that doesn’t mean we want to roll around in it.
LOL At Your Sex Hair
That sexy mane you get from the position changes and hair pulling is hot. But when the fun stops, it’s just a mess. Seriously, your hair is so terrifying it’s almost worth a post-sex selfie (not that you would do that…) Your guy might not admit it, but he’s probably impressed with that hot mess on your head.
Call Your Mum Back
“Sorry, mum, I was, um, in the shower.” Just play it cool.
Cancel Your 6 a.m Spin Class
You just got your cardio fix, so you’re set. At least that’s what you tell yourself.
Debate Washing Your Sheets
You could yank ’em off and throw them in the washing machine. Or you could turn on your bedroom fan until they’re dry and pretend like nothing happened. Live your best life, gal.
Hunt Down Your Bra
Seriously, is there a freaking gremlin in here that steals your bra as soon as it hits the floor? Not cool.
Take A Moment To Pow-Wow With Your Vag
The two of you have been through a lot in the last 20 minutes, it’s time to hop into the bathroom and make sure everything is cool with your girl downstairs. You good?
Check Yourself Out
Who’s that naked hottie in the mirror? Girl, it’s you! No shame. You are a sex champion, and you deserve to be appreciated.
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